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May 26th, 2008

Day 10: Huge Load Off My Chest

Still wide awake and can't sleep for shit. Didn't go out tonight since I'm still fairly hungover from the other night haha so Aaralyn and I decided to stay in and chill out. So talk about huge coming to terms with one's self this wknd. I came out of the closet, something I honestly thought would take years more to overcome. It was really strange. I had no intentions whatsoever of coming out in front of thousands of other viewers. It seriously was like a case of just straight up word diarrhea; all of the frustration and stresses of hiding my identity for so long caught up with me at that very moment and I just had to let it out. Aaralyn, Serah and myself included were all shocked as hell and taken back hahah, their expressions were priceless. I for one, feel SO much better about myself and the whole situation. Just think, if you had to go around for 20 years of your life pretending to be something else just to fit in and please others how fucking exhausting that gets. Worrying about who you associate with, where you hangout, the actions you take, the activities you take part in....enough was enough at that point. In a way I'm kinda glad I got to do it in front of the camera to like sort of tell everyone at once, "hey this is who I am, either deal with it or not." More or less everyone who watches the show knows now. Have not had the chance to talk to my family or any of my friends since just to see how they feel about the whole thing. Not gonna lie, still very very terrified lol. It's one thing to gain the acceptance of my housemates but another thing to deal with family, people you have to pretty much deal with for the rest of your life. But I think I'm at the point where I really can't let that shit get to me. Almost 21 and independent and as much as it will suck and kill me, if they are not willing to accept me, then I have no choice but to go about my way. I can only hope for the best at this point. But for now, gonna take it one step at a time and just enjoy being able to freely express myself. I want to make up for all lost time and just experience my time here in Chicago the right way. No more hiding! Lucas is now able to be himself! Look how gay I sound already lol.


Day 10: I Live With a Superstar.

DUDE! LoL ok so what the fuck! I'm sitting here with Mike and Serah just browsing through myspace and I come to Aaralyn's page and see on her wall that she was in some kind of video? N.E.R.D to be exact. Like 5 people or so were like "omg you look so good in the video".. So, I go to youtube to check it out and see what the fly they were talking about. COME TO FIND OUT, she really IS in an N.E.R.D video! HAHA...it's not even like she makes one 2 sec appearance in the video; she shows up lots of times and even has a one on one with Pharrell which is kinda awesome! I can't believe she never told us about this!!!!! Granted the video is fairly new and just came out not too long ago, it's kind of a big deal! she looks fucking SEXY too...who woulda thought that little miss Aaralyn was a video vixen?! HAHAHH I love this!! The name of the video is "Everyone Nose." Go and Watch!





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