August 22nd, 2008

Day 96: A Final Decision

So just about on my way to the clinic to go with Lauren to get the abortion done. Gonna make this quick but I just wanted to let off a little what was on my mind while waiting, therefore it might just sound like senseless blab. I don't know, I still cant help but feel guilty. Both Lauren and I talked this shit over and over til we were both blue in the face and eventually came to a mutual decision to abort the baby. I am 24 years old and in no way shape or form ready to take on the responsibilities that come along with being a father. Sure, it would be amazing to have that little creation that was derived from you and the one you love but I can wait a few more years for that feeling. It just would not be right and fair to the kid; I just want this event to be something I am 100% sure and excited about. I want there to be no doubt in my mind at all. Having doubts about your first born's birth, now how would that look? Exactly. This time around, unfortunately it was a mistake which both of us feel extremely bad about and this is the outcome. Can't turn back hands and change the future so only can worry about now and the future and we both feel that this is the right decision. Sure it'll still take some time before getting over the guilt and the heartache but I know it's for the best. Lauren is an amazing girl and I honestly love her and care about her so Much! I will be by her side no matter what and we are def in this together..thanks for listening

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